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Acme::Labs -- When you need an extraordinary plan to Take Over the World


        use Acme::Labs;
        print "Egad, brilliant, Brain!\n";
        print "Oh, wait, no -- it'll never work!";


When you run a program under use Acme::Labs, the module replaces all the big, complicated words in your source file. The code will still work the way it used to, but it will look something like this:

        use Acme::Labs;
        BRAIN:  "Are you pondering what I'm pondering?"
        PINKY:  "I think so, Brain, but where will we find a duck and a hose at this time of night?"
         zort eGAD ZORt zOrt egAD " NArF ZorT ZORT zoRT,  zORT eGAD ZORt zoRt zoRt ZORt ZORT zOrt egAD,  nARF eGAD ZORT ZORt zOrt!\ zOrt";
         zort eGAD ZORt zOrt egAD " Narf zorT,  EgaD ZORT ZORt egAD,  zOrt Zort --  ZORt egAD' zoRt zoRt  zOrt ZOrT eGaD ZOrT eGAD  EgaD Zort eGAD ZoRt!";



Acme::Labs has done its work on your script. (Only appears the first time you run under Acme::Labs, to indicate that the source code has been translated successfully[sic].)

NARF? What does that mean?!? '%s'

Acme::Labs could not read the source file.

Cannot get pinking shears '%s'

Acme::Labs could not modify the source file.


There's no (easy) way to recover the original script. (If you're going to let Pinky mess with your work, that's about what you should expect.)

The use of Acme::Labs pretty much has to be the first line in the source code. (Well, before any run-time stuff, or something like that.) It should also be the only statement on its line.

There are probably other bugs not documented in this section. (Unless you count the indirect mention in the previous sentence, in which case it's not a bug that they aren't mentioned because they are. And so saying that this was a bug is in fact a bug itself. Whether the bug of saying bugs aren't mentioned when really they are is covered by the indirect mentioning of the aforementioned bugs is left as an exercise for Bertrand Russell.)


Acme::Bleach,, your psychiatrist


David Green, <>, with apologies to Damian Conway (or vice versa).


Copyright (c) 2003, David Green. This module is free software: It may be used, redistributed, or modified under the terms of the Perl Artistic License (